Discomfort Tolerance- I Am the Worst Person to Talk About This
When I face discomfort, my instinct is to act—immediately. I can’t sit with the feeling. I need control. I need to react. That’s how I’ve been wired. Every fiber of my being, every chamber of my heart, calls for action, pushing me to fix things, resolve them, and escape the unease.
Waiting is excruciating. Not knowing? Even worse. Uncertainty gnaws at me, consuming my mind, sometimes my body. I feel it as tension in my shoulders, headaches, and an overall sense of exhaustion. I know, scientifically, that unresolved stress can fuel inflammation, just like unhealthy physical habits.
What is Discomfort Tolerance?
A few years ago, I came across a webinar about discomfort tolerance. The speaker explained it simply: discomfort tolerance is the ability to withstand emotional or physical unease without immediately trying to escape or resolve it.
What struck me the most was the way the speaker described the consequences of a low tolerance for discomfort. It narrows our focus, creates tunnel vision, and pulls us into a loop where we’re consumed by our distress. We get stuck, and in that stuckness, we lose out on happiness, joy, and the ability to engage fully in life. We’re too busy fixing, controlling, or escaping discomfort to actually experience it and grow from it.
Learning to Sit with Discomfort
But how do you learn to sit still when discomfort hits? How do I expect myself, someone who reacts impulsively, to just be calm in the face of emotional triggers?
For someone like me, being still in uncertainty feels unbearable. My mind races. I need to plan, organize, and direct my energy outward. The thought of being still with the discomfort, of allowing it to be, feels unnatural and impossible.
What I’ve learned, however, is that practicing discomfort tolerance—or distress tolerance—isn’t about passivity. It’s not about letting discomfort take over without any effort on your part. It’s about consciously choosing to lean into the discomfort instead of running from it. It’s about embracing resilience, emotional intelligence, and expanding my capacity for patience and peace. And let me tell you—it’s hard. It feels deeply uncomfortable, but that’s the point.
The discomfort, although unpleasant, isn’t always dangerous. The mind can trick us into believing that discomfort is a threat, but in reality, it’s just a sensation. And that sensation will eventually pass.
How to Do It?
Since discovering this, I’ve actively worked on integrating discomfort tolerance into my life. Every time the urge to control or escape arises, I remind myself that I don’t need to have immediate answers. I allow space for uncertainty without frantically trying to resolve it.
And in that space, I’ve found something surprising: peace. A sense of freedom from urgency. I’ve learned to return to the things I love, the things that fill me with joy, without the constant weight of needing to control or fix everything.
Practical Tips for Actively Addressing Discomfort
Mindful Breathing When discomfort strikes, pause and take a few slow, deep breaths. Focus on the rhythm of your breath. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds. This simple technique helps you ground yourself in the present moment, reducing the physical intensity of stress.
Challenge Your Immediate Impulses Notice when you feel the urge to react, fix, or escape. Instead of immediately acting, acknowledge that urge without judgment. Tell yourself, “I’m not going to fix this right now.” This pause is a powerful act of resistance against your knee-jerk reaction.
Discomfort Is Not a Threat When you feel discomfort, remind yourself that it’s just a feeling—a sensation in your body or mind. It’s not inherently dangerous. Tell yourself, “This will pass.” Shifting your perspective from fear to acceptance can help reduce the emotional charge around discomfort.
Use the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique To stay present during intense discomfort, use the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste This practice helps you detach from overwhelming emotions and re-establish a sense of control.
Journal Your Thoughts When you feel overwhelmed, try journaling about what you’re experiencing. Writing about your feelings helps you process and externalize them. You can explore why you feel discomfort and what you fear might happen. This practice turns emotional energy into something productive and clarifies your thinking.
Practice Self-Compassion Remind yourself that discomfort is a normal part of being human. It’s not something to shame yourself for feeling. Offer yourself the same kindness you would offer a close friend who is struggling. Acknowledge that you’re doing your best, and be gentle with yourself as you ride out difficult emotions.
Anticipate the Extinction Burst Understand that when you resist your impulses to escape discomfort, the initial reaction may intensify. This is called an extinction burst. Expecting this makes it easier to sit with the discomfort and wait for it to pass. The more you practice this, the more manageable it becomes.
The Extinction Burst
One concept that really resonated with me is extinction burst. It refers to the intense emotional reaction that happens when we first resist our impulse to fix or escape discomfort. Our brains panic, escalating the distress in a final, desperate push before it finally subsides.
Recognizing this has been a game-changer. I’ve started to anticipate that wave of heightened discomfort before it hits. And though it’s intense, knowing that it’s a temporary, natural part of the process helps me ride it out with more patience and less anxiety.
The Transformation
Discomfort tolerance isn’t just a skill—it’s a profound form of self-care. It’s about standing strong in the face of emotional unease, not running away from it. And as I’ve practiced this, it’s changed how I experience life. I’ve shifted from a constant state of tension and urgency to something softer, more balanced, and more whole.
In learning to sit with discomfort, I’ve not only transformed my relationship with stress, but I’ve also grown emotionally. I no longer feel the need to resolve every discomfort the moment it appears. Instead, I allow myself the grace to be human, to feel, and to process without the pressure to fix everything instantly.
Discomfort Tolerance- I Am the Worst Person to Talk About This
When I face discomfort, my instinct is to act—immediately. I can’t sit with the feeling. I need control. I need to react. That’s how I’ve been wired. Every fiber of my being, every chamber of my heart, calls for action, pushing me to fix things, resolve them, and escape the unease.
Waiting is excruciating. Not knowing? Even worse. Uncertainty gnaws at me, consuming my mind, sometimes my body. I feel it as tension in my shoulders, headaches, and an overall sense of exhaustion. I know, scientifically, that unresolved stress can fuel inflammation, just like unhealthy physical habits.
What is Discomfort Tolerance?
A few years ago, I came across a webinar about discomfort tolerance. The speaker explained it simply: discomfort tolerance is the ability to withstand emotional or physical unease without immediately trying to escape or resolve it.
What struck me the most was the way the speaker described the consequences of a low tolerance for discomfort. It narrows our focus, creates tunnel vision, and pulls us into a loop where we’re consumed by our distress. We get stuck, and in that stuckness, we lose out on happiness, joy, and the ability to engage fully in life. We’re too busy fixing, controlling, or escaping discomfort to actually experience it and grow from it.
Learning to Sit with Discomfort
But how do you learn to sit still when discomfort hits? How do I expect myself, someone who reacts impulsively, to just be calm in the face of emotional triggers?
For someone like me, being still in uncertainty feels unbearable. My mind races. I need to plan, organize, and direct my energy outward. The thought of being still with the discomfort, of allowing it to be, feels unnatural and impossible.
What I’ve learned, however, is that practicing discomfort tolerance—or distress tolerance—isn’t about passivity. It’s not about letting discomfort take over without any effort on your part. It’s about consciously choosing to lean into the discomfort instead of running from it. It’s about embracing resilience, emotional intelligence, and expanding my capacity for patience and peace. And let me tell you—it’s hard. It feels deeply uncomfortable, but that’s the point.
The discomfort, although unpleasant, isn’t always dangerous. The mind can trick us into believing that discomfort is a threat, but in reality, it’s just a sensation. And that sensation will eventually pass.
How to Do It?
Since discovering this, I’ve actively worked on integrating discomfort tolerance into my life. Every time the urge to control or escape arises, I remind myself that I don’t need to have immediate answers. I allow space for uncertainty without frantically trying to resolve it.
And in that space, I’ve found something surprising: peace. A sense of freedom from urgency. I’ve learned to return to the things I love, the things that fill me with joy, without the constant weight of needing to control or fix everything.
Practical Tips for Actively Addressing Discomfort
When discomfort strikes, pause and take a few slow, deep breaths. Focus on the rhythm of your breath. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds. This simple technique helps you ground yourself in the present moment, reducing the physical intensity of stress.
Notice when you feel the urge to react, fix, or escape. Instead of immediately acting, acknowledge that urge without judgment. Tell yourself, “I’m not going to fix this right now.” This pause is a powerful act of resistance against your knee-jerk reaction.
When you feel discomfort, remind yourself that it’s just a feeling—a sensation in your body or mind. It’s not inherently dangerous. Tell yourself, “This will pass.” Shifting your perspective from fear to acceptance can help reduce the emotional charge around discomfort.
To stay present during intense discomfort, use the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique:
This practice helps you detach from overwhelming emotions and re-establish a sense of control.
When you feel overwhelmed, try journaling about what you’re experiencing. Writing about your feelings helps you process and externalize them. You can explore why you feel discomfort and what you fear might happen. This practice turns emotional energy into something productive and clarifies your thinking.
Remind yourself that discomfort is a normal part of being human. It’s not something to shame yourself for feeling. Offer yourself the same kindness you would offer a close friend who is struggling. Acknowledge that you’re doing your best, and be gentle with yourself as you ride out difficult emotions.
Understand that when you resist your impulses to escape discomfort, the initial reaction may intensify. This is called an extinction burst. Expecting this makes it easier to sit with the discomfort and wait for it to pass. The more you practice this, the more manageable it becomes.
The Extinction Burst
One concept that really resonated with me is extinction burst. It refers to the intense emotional reaction that happens when we first resist our impulse to fix or escape discomfort. Our brains panic, escalating the distress in a final, desperate push before it finally subsides.
Recognizing this has been a game-changer. I’ve started to anticipate that wave of heightened discomfort before it hits. And though it’s intense, knowing that it’s a temporary, natural part of the process helps me ride it out with more patience and less anxiety.
The Transformation
Discomfort tolerance isn’t just a skill—it’s a profound form of self-care. It’s about standing strong in the face of emotional unease, not running away from it. And as I’ve practiced this, it’s changed how I experience life. I’ve shifted from a constant state of tension and urgency to something softer, more balanced, and more whole.
In learning to sit with discomfort, I’ve not only transformed my relationship with stress, but I’ve also grown emotionally. I no longer feel the need to resolve every discomfort the moment it appears. Instead, I allow myself the grace to be human, to feel, and to process without the pressure to fix everything instantly.
Latest Posts
The Heart Remembers: Where Healing Begins
Read More »From Rumination to Manifestation: Healing Forward After Heartbreak
Read More »5 Things I Do to Stay on Top of My Game (Without Losing My Sanity)
Read More »